Dear Lady Bug

My beautiful little Buggy I just want to share what is about to happen I want you to know that mommy loves you very much and I have no choice but to let the god take you to surgery you will be away from me for a little bit while they begin to repair your heart but mommy will waiting and praying for them to bring you back to me.  I want you to fight and be strong! I know you can cause you are my baby and I will be fighting for you know that mommy has your whole life planned  for you we have so many princess partys, tea partys, play dates, vacations, mani & pedi's to get i have so many things to teach you.  I need you to come back to me You are the greatest gift and I love you so much your smile lights up a room you give my life purpose and a cause to fight for.  I know god will take care of you Im sure of that.  You have so many people that love you and can't wait to watch you grow up our family is very supportive a little dysfunctional but they are there for us.. just know I love you with all my heart and mommy will be waiting when they give you back after surgery to give you a big kiss I love you angel be strong and fight you have alot to do know when you are week I will always be strong when when you are sad i will be there to wipe your tears.  And always whatever you need I will always be there.. xoxoxox love mommy

Let the count down begin

So as yesturday started off rather crazy with my very emotional breakdown I need to prepare I started with a quick visit to the peditrician this morning just to make sure she is still well I need her to stay well I can not postpone this I will really lose it I have so much to do to prepare my other kids..But on a diffrent not I really have a problem with everyone trying to make Friday about them I find it commical that they are so concerned about themselves and there fears and worries no that they are any help to me I have managed to just block them out I find it to be very theraputic....So my little ladybug just needed a medicine dosage change to get her thru the next few days.. She is just so happy she has no clue what she is about to endure she just smiles away she is so strong she loves the cartoons not sure if she just likes the sounds or colors or what but she kicks and talks at them it makes me so happy.  On top of everything else I manged to break a tooth today luckly I had an appointment to finish a root canal and they can kill to birds with on stone.  My husband is very quiet I know he is scared he has not said much I think Friday is gonna be his breaking point.  We are both having a hard time with figuring out what we need from each other during this time but I think we just have decided to just wait till one of us screams help.  So today I will keep myself busy with crafts, kids and packing that should take care of the day.

My Letter to God

Dear God,
I know you gave Addison to me for a reason that reason is still not clear but as I write to you I have ask please please keep her hear she has a mommy & daddy that love her so much and a big brother and sister that have so much to teach and share with her.  We have so many hopes, dreams & memories for her I know when you gave her to us she was a gift from you and that you may need her back at some time but she has so many things she still needs to do here so as I put her in your hands on Friday to guide the surgeon to begin to repair her little heart I need her back I need her to heal and serve as a miracle to help the chd community that every chd is not a death sentence that there are happy endings so please let her help other familys thru there journeys. And please we need a rainbow at the end of this storm we have lost to many over the past few weeks please give us break we are really mourning more than we need to right know.  So could you please give us some hope for these familys that are having to make these difficult decision to give there babys back.  We need some good news for a bit..We put all of are hope, faith beliefs in you so please take care of my baby girl Addison.
Amen

The Journey Begins

     Well let me start by saying my name is Jennifer most call me Jenn I am the the mother of three of the most amazing children Noah who is 11 and Lila who is 3 and Addison is 3 months and she is better knowen as the bug.  She is or little miracle you see Addison was born with a CHD (congenital heart defect) she has Pulminary Atresia & a Vsd which in regualr terms means she was born without her pulminary arteie 7 has a large hole in her heart.  Since her birth our family has been through its shares of ups and downs we have had to make alot of adjustments since Addison was born, severl hospital stays for extended periods of time which does not make it easy for Noah & Lila and the flow of our routine but we have adjusted with lots help help from our family.  We have finally come to the point we Addison needs to begin the repair process which is really taking a toll on everyone.  Its not easy being given the option of if you do not do surgery your daughter will die and if you do there is a risk that she still could die.  For someone like me I am a bit of a control freak as my husband would stay and I have none.  I have decided to blog about our journey to help me through the process and pass time during the days ahead while she begins to heal.  So I hope you enjoy in sharing on this journey and I hope I may be able to help others with there journey.